Wishing my wrists were bleeding

I'm afraid, because I'm alone but I'm alright. Is this what being independent feels like? Afraid of the future, i just want to stand still. Will i ever love the same? I have been rather depressed lately. If you couldn't tell. I feel so alone, so helpless, and lost. I gave up on love again. I turned my heart off it seems. A person can only take so much rejection and chaos before they give up!I'm hard on the heart, or so i have been told. I just cant trust anyone. Sometimes i have trouble trusting myself. I'm afraid of the decisions i make. Have i done anything right? Will i ever let someone love me? Is it worth it?

A picture says a thousand words.

life has been hectic lately. I seen Cody yesterday, for like 2 seconds. Then i drove to the park and cried my eyeballs out because i know i will never be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy right? i thought so... but now I'm not so sure. Some people don't even deserve to live! I feel so alone, even when Eric is beside me because i know he has nothing for me. In my heart i know its all a waste of time. Why do i continue to do this to myself?

Broken

And, i am used to this. Its just like every other time before. I am still torn from the last time. You can sat whatever make you feel better. Again, its all my fault. What do you want from me? An apology?

It wouldn't be sincere.

Does it make her happy when you hurt me?

sucker love is heaven sent

Life is so confusing sometimes. I wasted almost 9 months with my last boyfriend, it took him only 20 minutes to leave. It doesn't hurt the same any more. My heart is cold and dead, or at least it feels that way. Its a great heart for writing poetry though. I know there i go again, making light of a not so great situation. Everything is going to be alright, I just know it.

I wrote you a love song.

but it meant nothing... You sir were a complete waste of time. I'm not sure why i wasted so much time with you. Your an ass and all you did was use me to make yourself feel special!
I thought i meant something to you, i thought wrong. You ruined everything, but its OK. I cant trust you anyway. I'm to old for you or to smart and maybe even to pretty.
I'm just angry i guess. I'm angry at myself for letting you hurt me. I'm angry at you for being yourself.
You suck. I will not let myself do this again. I will run away and no one will find me. Don't bother looking because i don't want to be found!

Where soul meets body.

This is me. Oh, how do you simplify oneself into words? I'm pretty cool. Twenty one year old widow with no kids and no future. I want to live where soul meets body :) I love music, people, animals and sometimes life. I have a hard time grasping reality sometimes. I guess we all have issues. Most of my life people have lied to me. Its hard for me to trust anyone, including myself. I'm just your average nobody trying to make it in this hell we all call life. You will have to excuse me if I'm not the happy go lucky, bright sunshiny type all the time. Life has dealt me a hand I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy nor would I trade it for the world! I try so hard to be a good person, but all anyone ever wants to do is bring you down. I don't want to be like everyone else. I just want a little peace and meaning in my life. I am living proof that the world is coming to an end. I have an addiction, if its not you don't worry about it right? I have a curse, if its not you don't worry about it sure! I am Tabi. Simple yet complicated. I'm just so Jaded.