Jealousy got me nowhere with you.

So how was every one's Christmas? Mine was insanely unusual but good for a change. I got to spend most of it with my silly boyfriend and my mum. I ate steak too. (not your average X-mas dinner huh? Yeah but honestly i couldn't ask for more.

I am really looking forward to bringing in the new year soon! I have great friends, a wonderful parental unit, and a job. :) hurray!

Untill the day I take my last breath, I will lie for you.

So things are still great. Isn't that weird? I love Eric and he loves me even more. I have actually learned how to control my temper a little too.
Example; Yesterday i stopped by Cody's house to chill. We were gonna get something to eat so I drove us to Huddle House. Not even two seconds after we got there he says "well, my girlfriend is waiting on me at my apartment. like now!" So i rushed him back over there. Well I was on the phone with Eric but i didn't want to be rude and just drop him off so i got out to introduce myself. Any way she is a stupid, ugly, fat, rude cunt! yeah... but i didn't tell her that. I was nice and polite.


Stupid Eric wont wake up and spend time with me before work. I got to work 1-10 tonight and i hate night shift :(

Oh yeah, and my mom isn't gonna marry that one douche bag. Its kinda all my fault, but I think if he was willing to leave her so easily he was just looking for an excuse. I didn't like him from the start!

My one love, My bleeding wrist, My aching heart... I love you more than life itself.

Im a bad boy, cause i dont even miss her

Your all i can see. I love you more and more everyday. Your my best friend and my other half. I cant imagine life without you now. I am satisfied.

wow... i sound all obsessed :)

Im falling apart on the inside, can you see past my fake smile?

I'm a little drunk :) and i have to work tomorrow. yay! We are the three musketeers at work. We rock! I spend so much time at Wal-Mart it seems like i live there.

Eric and i are doing well still... surprisingly! We don't fight and we are always together. I'm really happy and its weird. I'm afraid of whats going to happen to fuck it all up. I'm good at that. He calls me his girlfriend a lot when he is drunk. Its funny, he can say more when he is drinking but if he gets wasted he is so annoying..
i don't care, i still love him.

Drown your sorrow in my pain.

i can't be spontaneous!

and when you cant stand on your own, I'll be there.

I'm rather happy lately. I have a good job, great friends and a boyfriend i would trade for the world. It really doesn't get much better than this. I work with Codizzel, so i see him all the time, and its not awkward at all! I think we kinda got over it :)

Eric is wonderful! He loves me, and he is my best friend. I can be honest with him. He listens when i talk, and above all I can TRUST him. Its great. I wonder how long it will last?

I bet you believe that i'm better off with you than someone else.

Work is really cool. I see Cody all the time. I'm like one of 3 people in the meat market. Wal-Mart is different from any other place i have ever worked. Cant wait to actually work!

I made a copper tree and its "art"

I bet you laugh at the thought of me thinking for myself

So i start work Thursday. I'm really excited. Thanks Cody! I was really nervous at first but i guess its just a job. Whats the worst thing that could happen?

on to another subject,

he is all mine and he Rocks

I cant believe things are going so well for me for once. I couldn't be happier!

smoke pot, take pills
get high. Drugs kill!
Break ties, lose friends
get lost and do it again.
Hallucinate to feel free,
i was lost but you found me.
Didn't want me for who i was.
life isn't fair for either of us.

I wouldn't lie, to spare your heart
I'm sorry if the truth tore us apart.
and I'm almost sure its better this way.
I'm giving up on you, and it ends today.

My heart song

at the end of our broken road

I tried to tell you.
but you didn't listen.

He is in love with who i used to be

and i don't know how to be her :(


but for you baby... i will try anything!

To be perfect like you

Lifes little twists and turns

I'll pop another pill, and snort another line.
Take another hit and it will all be fine.
Life seems so pointless, so what's the point?
If i cant drown my sorrows in liquor, I'll just smoke another joint!
I'm so sick of being sober, but i cant stay high.
I dropped 3 hits of acid and i swear i could fly.
I'm killing myself slowly, in the best possible way.
I'm numb from all the poison running through my veins.
One more pill to try to get right.
One more pill and for my life i might have to fight.
I didn't need this when i had you.
this all started when you said we were through!
You were my heroin, and i craved you everyday.
now that I'm without you i need you in every way.

A little piece of me died when you said you didn't love me anymore.

I'm still alone. I am trying so hard to be happy and do right for myself. What can i do? I moved back to six mile, all by myself. I'm kind of excited but not really. I'm afraid of whats going to happen to me now! I still don't have a job, and that sucks. I miss my friends... well the ones I'm not with everyday. My life is changing so fast. I hate growing up! Its really hard.

visit my other pages!

http://www.myspace.com/twistedtabi/

http://www.youtube.com/user/twistedtabi

Homeless Rocks!

(candy coated death lined with crystal meth)

I'm so confused! I feel lost and helpless. What can i do now? My power is being cut off today and i have to get rid of all my children. It really sucks too because i have nowhere really to go. I don't want to stay with my mom because she hates me 5 days out of the week. I want my own place, and to be in school again. I know i have to make these things happen for myself, no one else will.
I went to my Dad's house last night. He looks kinda bad. He has gained i know 20lbs since i seen him last. He looks old, but like a young Santa, pregnant with quads :) But i love him none the less. He is always there for me when i screw up.
I got dumped and i kinda stung because it was by a 30 year old alcoholic with 3 kids. I'm lame right? He left me with a $500 power bill! that's why my power is being turned off. I will be hanging out in montevallo soon though, thank god! When i move to six mile i would rather commute to there anyway. I miss my friends. I don't feel like i know anyone anymore. I want a family that stays together. You know i have NEVER been to a family reunion of my own. I don't have any grandparents anymore. My aunts and uncles have nothing to do with me. I don't know.

"I don't giva a damn" <--- as Walter would say

I'm drawing a blank..

just taken today :)

Under the influence?

So what if the only time i can think straight is when I'm "gone"! I would rather be where I am now then sober and depressed. i cant feel bad, I'm to far down already. why cant you just love me back? baby be mine

I'm so lost without you.

I know I'm a crazy bitch but what the hell? We all have flaws.

I understand not being able to put up with my crazy ass though. I'm quite the desperado. I'm looking to hard for something i have lost so many times. Love? is it real?

The battle was lost but not the war

Days are only getting colder without you by my side. I wake up every morning wishing i would die. I miss your face and the sound of your voice. It would have been me if i had a choice. I have all this pain and hurt I'm holding in. God smells my death, to him it's my sin. Married like we were and then torn apart. Now that your gone I don't think i have a heart. I cant tell him the truth when he looks in my eyes. When i told him i loved him too it even caught me by surprise. My mind has twisted itself into believing, because i wasn't the one who saw you bleeding. I might see your face again in a crowded place or you could call me again if that was the case. I don't know that your gone, in refuse to believe. you are my love and you would never leave!

I'd die for you!

I need to feel loved. Why did I think I would be okay alone? I'm so stupid. Its all my fault! I'm so greedy and selfish i cant share my heart. I really want to, but i want to "know" its right. I don't want to get hurt again. I mean who would want me now any way. I'm used and life has left me so calloused. I don't feel things like i used to. Its not the same and I'm so afraid it never will be again. How can any one love me, I'm numb. My life is so empty without him. I cant stand on my own.

Wishing my wrists were bleeding

I'm afraid, because I'm alone but I'm alright. Is this what being independent feels like? Afraid of the future, i just want to stand still. Will i ever love the same? I have been rather depressed lately. If you couldn't tell. I feel so alone, so helpless, and lost. I gave up on love again. I turned my heart off it seems. A person can only take so much rejection and chaos before they give up!I'm hard on the heart, or so i have been told. I just cant trust anyone. Sometimes i have trouble trusting myself. I'm afraid of the decisions i make. Have i done anything right? Will i ever let someone love me? Is it worth it?

A picture says a thousand words.

life has been hectic lately. I seen Cody yesterday, for like 2 seconds. Then i drove to the park and cried my eyeballs out because i know i will never be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy right? i thought so... but now I'm not so sure. Some people don't even deserve to live! I feel so alone, even when Eric is beside me because i know he has nothing for me. In my heart i know its all a waste of time. Why do i continue to do this to myself?

Broken

And, i am used to this. Its just like every other time before. I am still torn from the last time. You can sat whatever make you feel better. Again, its all my fault. What do you want from me? An apology?

It wouldn't be sincere.

Does it make her happy when you hurt me?

sucker love is heaven sent

Life is so confusing sometimes. I wasted almost 9 months with my last boyfriend, it took him only 20 minutes to leave. It doesn't hurt the same any more. My heart is cold and dead, or at least it feels that way. Its a great heart for writing poetry though. I know there i go again, making light of a not so great situation. Everything is going to be alright, I just know it.

I wrote you a love song.

but it meant nothing... You sir were a complete waste of time. I'm not sure why i wasted so much time with you. Your an ass and all you did was use me to make yourself feel special!
I thought i meant something to you, i thought wrong. You ruined everything, but its OK. I cant trust you anyway. I'm to old for you or to smart and maybe even to pretty.
I'm just angry i guess. I'm angry at myself for letting you hurt me. I'm angry at you for being yourself.
You suck. I will not let myself do this again. I will run away and no one will find me. Don't bother looking because i don't want to be found!

Where soul meets body.

This is me. Oh, how do you simplify oneself into words? I'm pretty cool. Twenty one year old widow with no kids and no future. I want to live where soul meets body :) I love music, people, animals and sometimes life. I have a hard time grasping reality sometimes. I guess we all have issues. Most of my life people have lied to me. Its hard for me to trust anyone, including myself. I'm just your average nobody trying to make it in this hell we all call life. You will have to excuse me if I'm not the happy go lucky, bright sunshiny type all the time. Life has dealt me a hand I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy nor would I trade it for the world! I try so hard to be a good person, but all anyone ever wants to do is bring you down. I don't want to be like everyone else. I just want a little peace and meaning in my life. I am living proof that the world is coming to an end. I have an addiction, if its not you don't worry about it right? I have a curse, if its not you don't worry about it sure! I am Tabi. Simple yet complicated. I'm just so Jaded.